I would sit home worried, phone in hand, speed dialing his mother to bail him out of jail. I remember several nights where he put his fist through a wall and went speeding away in his truck, only to end up arrested somewhere for smashing someone's face in. The more he lied to me, the worse he felt, the more he drank, the angrier he would get. Perhaps he had always done it and I just never noticed, maybe it was a self defense mechanism that started up because of me, whatever it was - It was slowly eating away at the trust we had in our relationship. If he ate a burger, he would say he ate a turkey sandwich - He would lie about stopping for gas or helping someone paint their house. Later that day I ran into one of his work friends - He goes, "Man! Did Jay tell you how he broke the boss's nose this morning?" Sometimes he would lie about big stuff, most of the time it was small things. After the jealousy, came the lies - One day he came home and told me he quit his job. If we went out and I talked to any other guys, he would get me in the car and scream at me, "You are such a fucking whore! I should fucking leave you in the parking lot for that." I would tell him that I did not want anyone else, and he would scream a lot, and then we would drive back home and everything would be OK again. We started dating in Feb but were falling apart by June - Jay was getting jealous. And so he ended up in Ft Laud, homeless on a beach.
He jumped on a bus and tried to get a job in New Orleans with BP Oil but they were only hiring locals. ick) - Eventually, not knowing what to do, he just ran from his problems. Tries to hang himself in the backyard, but the rope broke (he has quite the scar to prove it. oh and it gets worse) - He quits his job. She found a new boyfriend and told Jay not to worry about Father's Day "You are not seeing your kid anymore" - blah blah blah (God, re-reading this, it sounds like Jerry Springer. But aside from the kids, his relationship was falling apart - One night he got drunk, caught his GF cheating on him, and went crazy - He put his fist through a wall and she beat him with a baseball bat in self defense - The next morning, she took two restraining orders against him. Being a father was the one thing keeping him sane and grounded - He talks about kid baths and family dinners, and I see happiness. For the last three years, he has been a dad to all four children, including her one autistic child. Guess he had hooked up with a 27 year old girl with three kids, accidentally got her pregnant, had a baby with her. Guess he was having some trouble back home and was sleeping on a beach, he had been held up twice at gunpoint, he was broke, homeless - I told him, "I am in Fort Laud too. I wrote him back, "which part of FL" - He typed out " FtLaud". Call me sumtime" Now Jay is not Internet savvy, he types with his index fingers, he does not have a facebook or a twitter account. Every night I hoped that he was safe.Īfter years of not speaking, you can imagine my surprise when I got a text from him this week. I just could not balance his life, his problems, his anger, with the love we had - I returned his keys in his mailbox, I stopped answering his calls, I stopped going to his place, I stopped participating in his life - It was hard - Every night I worried about him. I loved him as a friend but had fallen out of love with him, hard. After his near-death experience with his heroine/coke ball - I distanced myself from Jay.
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